When someone may be involved in a scam, it’s natural to feel frustrated or worried. But certain phrases can trigger shame or resistance. Here’s how to keep the conversation helpful and supportive.
What NOT to Say
- “You’re being scammed.”
- “How could you fall for this?”
- “It’s obviously fake.”
- “You’re too smart for this.”
- “Just stop talking to them.”
Key Insight:
Phrases like these often trigger embarrassment, anger, or shut-down responses—especially if the person feels emotionally involved.
Try Instead
- “I’m concerned about what’s happening.”
- “Let’s figure this out together.”
- “I want to help you stay safe.”
Key Insight:
Empathetic language opens the door to collaborative problem-solving rather than defensiveness.
Responding to Pushback
- If they say: “You don’t trust me”
Try: “I know and trust YOU. I just don’t trust this stranger.”
- If they say: “You think I’m stupid”
Try: “Scammers target smart, kind people.”
- If they say: “You’re being paranoid”
Try: “Maybe, but I care about you. Let’s double-check together.”
- If they say: “It’s none of your business”
Try: “You’re right, but I’m just worried because I love you.”
Reframe Emotional Triggers
Use empathy to reframe statements that may feel like accusations or shame:
- Instead of: “They’re lying to you”
Try: “Sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s real online—can we look at this together?”
- Instead of: “You’re not thinking clearly”
Try: “It’s easy to miss red flags when emotions are involved—I’ve been there too.”
- Instead of: “You need to stop this now”
Try: “Would it help if we came up with a plan together?”
Language That Builds Trust
- “I’m here to support you, not judge you.”
- “You don’t have to figure this out alone.”
- “It’s okay to have mixed feelings—this stuff is designed to manipulate.”
Key Insight:
Scammers exploit trust and isolation. Your continued empathy and presence can be a powerful antidote to manipulation.
