Online dating safety tips


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According to the authorities, dating and romance scams are one of the fastest-growing areas of fraud online.  The FBI issued an official  warning this year, saying that women over 40 were particularly at risk.

Here’s how the FBI says the romance scam usually works.

You’re contacted online by someone who appears interested in you. He or she may have a profile you can read or a picture that is emailed to you. For weeks, even months, you may chat back and forth with one another, forming a connection. You may even be sent flowers or other gifts. But ultimately, it’s going to happen; your new-found “friend” is going to ask you for money.

Be aware of the following common techniques used by romance scammers:

  • Immediate requests to talk or chat on an email or messaging service outside of the dating site.
  • Claims that your introduction was “destiny” or “fate,” especially early in communication.
  • Claims to be from the U.S. but is currently living, working, or traveling abroad.
  • Asks for money, goods, or any similar type of financial assistance, especially if you have never met in person.
  • Asks for assistance with personal transactions (opening new bank accounts, depositing or transferring funds, shipping merchandise, etc.).
  • Reports a sudden personal crisis and pressures you to provide financial assistance. Be especially wary if the demands become increasingly aggressive.
  • Tells inconsistent or grandiose stories.
  • Gives vague answers to specific questions.
  • Claims to be recently widowed or claims to be a U.S. service member serving overseas.
  • Disappears suddenly from the site then reappears under a different name using the same profile information.

Don’t be a victim, check out these tips and take them to heart:

  • If you’re suspicious, Google the message text he/she sends you.   Unlike spam, dating scams require a fair amount of work from the criminals – so they tend to cut corners. Often, the ‘romantic’ message you receive has been sent to dozens of other people. Put quotes around it and Google it: if it brings up results from former victims, you should start to worry. If the messages are in broken English, but your lover claims to be American, it’s another good reason to be cautious. Ask advice from a site administrator, or a friend.
  • Don’t be ashamed to ‘play detective’.  Millions of people use dating sites, but they DO carry risks that normal dating does not. You don’t know whether the person you are speaking to is real, where they’re from, or whether the photos are them, or someone different. In the old days, you would often meet people via friends of friends–but you don’t have this reassurance online. So play detective.  If they won’t tell you where they work, worry. Likewise, if they keep asking questions about you, but never answer any about themselves, worry. Search for them on LinkedIn, or just via Google – it’s almost impossible NOT to leave traces online these days. If someone has not, they probably are not real.
  • Scammers posing as women will often claim that they are hard-working but in a lower paying profession. Scammers posing as males will often profess to be independently wealthy, the owners of a lucrative business, or in an occupation such as the military.
  • Male scammers often claim to be widowers with one or more young children to look after. They may claim that their partner died after a tragic accident or illness leaving them unexpectedly as single fathers.
  • If their photos are really glossy, be afraid.  Oddly, one of the giveaways that your lover may not be who they seem is that they look too good–as in, the photographs are professional. Few normal people would make this much effort–but for a cybercriminal, the easiest way to create a fake profile is to use glamorous pictures from the web, shot by professional photographers.

    Most cyber criminals do not use their own photographs; they use an image from another social media account as their own. A reverse image search can determine if a profile picture is being used elsewhere on the internet, and on which websites it was used. A search sometimes provides information that links the image with other scams or victims.To perform a reverse image search on profile photos:
Right click on the image and select “Search for image.”
Right click again and select “Save image as” to save the photo to your device.
Using a search engine, choose the small camera icon to upload the saved image into the search engine.
  • Don’t hand over information bit by bit. Dating sites are a huge growth area for cybercrime, and scams vary from simple cons, where people are asked for money for visas, to classic phishing. The problem is that handing over information is a normal part of romance–but perfect for identity thieves. Until you have verified that the person is genuine, do not give out your address, ever, and if possible limit other details such as workplaces and contact details. 
  • Don’t share ‘racy’ photos with people you have not met.  One variation of today’s dating scams is a simple one – blackmail. Do not hand over pictures you would be embarrassed to see published online–otherwise, you’re at risk from blackmailers. Even racy messages can be a tool for criminals – particularly if you’re attached. Keep things clean until you know your ‘romance’ is real. Allowing someone to see you via webcam, or to, for instance, undress on webcam, is particularly risky.
  • If your ‘lover’ sends you a photo which you need to click on, worry.  Keep antivirus software running and be wary of profiles without images in the first place. If they have an image, ask them to add it to their profile.
  • Long-distance love DOES happen – but be wary.  Profiles without pictures, details and interests are a clear warning of a fake profile. US law enforcement say that common signs are people who claim to be American but say they are working abroad, then suddenly need plane fare home.
  • Stick to reputable sites. and other ‘major’ sites such as eHarmony have a reputation to protect so their systems will help to keep you safe (accusations of fake profiles notwithstanding). On Match, for instance, you can instantly flag any email or message as suspicious, and flag any profile you think isn’t quite right. Match will investigate rapidly. Other large, reputable sites have similar systems. Smaller, specialist sites–particularly those focused on short-term relationships–won’t offer the same peace of mind. However, sites which cater to a particular cultural group may achieve higher levels of trust if they fly under the radar of cyber criminals. Expect ‘Free’ sites to be the most dangerous the barrier to entry is low for enterprising cybercriminals.
  • Don’t be persuaded to switch to another social network, email or IM.  Millions of people use dating sites, and the ‘big’ sites are facing epidemic levels of fake profiles, phishing and other scams, so cybercriminals will often persuade victims to switch to another site,  either a social site, or simply email. This way, they can continue the fraud in private.
  • If you think, “It’s all happening so fast!” It’s time to worry.  Dating scams are one of the few areas of cybercrime where gangs play a ‘long game’ – sometimes stringing victims along for weeks or months. But most are impatient to be paid - so any online ‘lover’ who declares undying love in the space of a few emails should be regarded with extreme suspicion.
  • Consistently poor spelling or grammar indicates that the language they are using may be the person’s second language even though they claim to be a born and bred resident of your country.
  • If the person claims he or she is from your area, but states they are unable to meet you in person within the first few weeks of contacting you online, for whatever reason, be very cautious about revealing any personal details to them.
  • If the other person is sharing information about themselves, be aware if details in their stories change. Did they call you by the wrong name, or suddenly refer to themselves by a different name?  Often scammers are operating under multiple false aliases and are using a script to communicate with people, so they can inadvertently use the wrong names and details when communicating with you.  If they do make such mistakes, the scammers will quickly come up with a story to explain the inconsistencies. But such errors should certainly be a warning flag.
  • NEVER agree if the person asks you to use your own bank account to process checks or electronic money transfers for what ever reason. This may well be an attempt to launder the proceeds of crime. 
  • Be aware that scammers will ask lots of questions about what you believe to be your ideal relationship and then present themselves in that way to you.
  • If friends or family express concern about the relationship, it is wise to heed their warnings. Often, others who are not so emotionally involved, are able to see indications that things are not as they seem and become rightfully suspicious of your online “friend’s” motives.
  • NEVER purchase an airline ticket and fly to a foreign country to meet someone who has requested money from you.  Victims who have taken such actions have been kidnapped and even murdered.
  • Always tell family or friends if you are going to meet someone from a dating site and always meet first in a public place.  Never meet at first in a private home or hotel where help is not close at hand should things go wrong.
  • Do not send money, ever.  The ‘red flag’ moment comes when your ‘lover’ asks for money. Do not send it–whether it’s for flights, or for life-saving surgery. Even if the story is so tragic you feel you HAVE to help. If the subject of money comes up early in a relationship, be wary. If someone asks outright for a Western Union payment or bank wire transfer, you may well be dealing with a criminal. Speak to a site administrator if possible. Talk to a friend – or ask advice from an independent agency, or local law enforcement. 

    If you do not send them money as requested, the requests will increase in urgency and the pressure they put on you will escalate accordingly. If this pressure does not work, they may change tack somewhat by asking for a much smaller amount than they originally requested. For example, they may claim that they have managed to source most of the money from elsewhere. 
Never send money to someone you meet online, especially by wire transfer.
Never provide credit card numbers or bank account information without verifying the recipient’s identity.
Never share your Social Security number or other personally identifiable information that can be used to access your accounts with someone who does not need to know this information.

eFraud Prevention™, LLC